


Aced it

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [276]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexuality, Demi!Phil, Demisexuality, M/M, ace!Clint, clint tries to get sex while drunk, drunk!clint, phil says no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:33:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4476086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint is asexual and Phil is demi, and Clint is freaking about Captain America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aced it

**Author's Note:**

> They’ve been dating for a little over 6 months. 

They’re in that annoying stage where they consistently talk about each other when they’re not at work or with each other, driving everyone around them insane. It also happens to be the same stage wherein they keep sucking on each other’s faces with or without people around. It was adorable the first three days. Now it’s just groan worthy. 

Sadly for everyone in the tower living with these two, this stage also included what Tony had dubbed ‘The Hachiko effect’. Everyone took one look at Phil in the kitchen, nursing his cup of coffee, and agreed. Steve and Thor had to watch the movie before they got the reference. (Thor cried. Steve denied crying, but was sniffling towards the end of the movie)

Sometimes, it’s a little ridiculous how they were so in love. 

Which is why, Melinda can’t wrap her head around the fact that they haven’t had sex yet. Both men were very obviously fit enough to engage in the private exercise. And their friends all know that they were together, hence no judgement would come to pass if they ever got a little too loud at night. 

“Do you have something? Is this why you’re not making a move?” Melinda asked Phil one night.

“No, I’m perfectly clean. And No, that’s not the reason.” Phil rolled his eyes at her. “It’s because… you know.”

Melinda sighed, “Phillip J. Coulson. Are you telling me that you’ve been going out with this boy for 6 months without actually being sexually attracted to him?”

“Well, yeah.” Phil shrugged. “I mean he was kind enough not to bring up sex and all when we started dating, but now that I want to jump his bones, I’m finding that kindness really and truly unnecessary.”

“Then tell him that.” Melinda shook her head at him. “I’m sure he wants to sleep with you just as much as you want to sleep with him.”

—

Clint rolled his eyes at Natasha. “I don’t want to sleep with him.” 

Natasha was visually surprised for a moment, “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.” 

“Look, I love Phil, truly, madly, deeply.” Clint hummed the next few keys to the song before he started giggling. Drunk Clint is a giggly Clint. “but, I don’t know, sex just never really came up in any of our late night cuddle sessions.”

“But you do want to sleep with him, right?” Natasha asked. 

“If he wanted to, then I guess I could do it. I mean, I don’t really get what all the hoopla is about. It’s just being naked with another person. It’s not like- like cake. Now, Cake. That’s something I’d like right now.” Drunk Clint was also apparently incoherent Clint.

Natasha made a soft ‘huh’ sound then asked, “Clint, have you ever had sex before?”

Clint frowned at her then turned to the right staring at nothing then giving the empty space a look that screamed ‘Can you believe this?’. It’s another Drunk Clint thing. He thinks he’s in the Office when he’s drunk. “Of course, I have.”

“Masturbation not included.” Natasha added.

“Oh, then no.” 

“Huh. Clint, are you- are you asexual?”

“Probably. Does it mean tired? ‘Coz if it does, then I definitely am.” Clint yawned. “I bet Steve doesn’t get tired.”

“Steve? What’s he got to do with anything?”

Clint pat her cheek and anyone else, that hand would be bloody and on the ground by now, “Everything.” Clint answered with conviction. “I mean have you seen him? He’s like a god! A Greek one. We already have a Norse god.”

“So?”

“So? SO? Look at him. No, seriously. Look at him. Over there. Go look.” Clint kept pointing toward the living room where the rest of the Avengers plus their lady friends were watching who knows what. “Now look at me.” Clint turned Natasha’s face toward him. “I don’t smell like him.”

Natasha frowned, confused. “What?”

“I think I messed it up. Point is, I look like him. And he looks like me. We’re practically twins.”

“I still don’t follow.”

Clint sighed with exaggeration. He motioned for Natasha to come closer and when she was close enough, Clint spoke with his usual voice. “Phil is dating me because I look like Captain America. What do you think will happen now that the real one is here? Steve even smells like the real Captain America. It’s unfair.”

“Clint, I don’t think-”

“Tell me what to do, Tasha. I don’t want to lose Phil.” Clint banged his head on the counter and then Natasha heard soft singing. Drunk singing, but still singing, “He’s my honeybunch, sugar plum, pumpy-yumpy-yumpkin, He’s my sweetie pie…”

“Боже мой” Natasha groaned.

—

Natasha knocked three times on Phil’s door before the man opened it. “He’s drunk. And he won’t stop singing the song. Please take him.” She didn’t actually wait for Phil’s response before she dumped a wobbling Clint on him and closed the door behind her. 

“Clint, are you okay?” Phil asked, helping Clint wobble his way to the bed. 

“Let’s have sex.” Clint declared.

Phil faltered in his step but the archer probably didn’t notice it. “What?”

“Sex. Let’s have it.” Clint started pulling him to the bed and pushed Phil so that Clint could straddle him. Without another word, Clint pressed his lips against Phil’s in a messy kiss. 

Phil pushed him back then turned Clint’s weight against him so that Phil was now the one straddling the archer. “Clint. No. You’re drunk.”

“But… I thought you liked sex? Everybody likes sex.”

“Yes, but not while you’re drunk.”

“But… I need you to have sex with me now!” Clint cried out, panicked.

“What? Why?”

“Because if I don’t, you might leave me for Captain America!!” Clint continued to fight him, until he was just laying there with a sad pout on his face.

“What?” Phil sat back on his heels, letting go of Clint’s wrists. “I’m not going to leave you for Steve.”

“Yes, you are. You’re going to leave me, and then you’re going to go have sex with him.” Clint looked away from Phil.

“Is that why you want to have sex with me? So that I wouldn’t leave you?”

Clint nodded.

“Aww, Clint.” Phil got off of Clint and sat beside him. He pulled Clint up and towards him so that Clint’s head was against his chest. “I’m not going to leave you. Sex or no sex. I’m happy just being with you. We don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to.” Phil kissed the top of Clint’s head. 

“Really?” 

“Really.” Phil answered with a smile.

“Okay.” Clint hummed, burrowing himself in Phil’s warmth. “Hey, Phil?” 

“Yes?”

“Tasha asked me if I was asexual earlier. do you know what that is?”

“It’s someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone. Does that sound like you?”

“So, like, people who don’t like sex?”

“That’s an oversimplification, but I guess it’ll do for now. Well? Does it sound like you?”

“Kind of. Is that bad?”

Phil pulled him closer and kissed his head once more, a smile tinging his lips. “Not at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/125603996166/hey-look-these-are-all-dated-for-the-11th-heh)


End file.
